


Just like that

by MagicalDragon



Category: Disco Elysium
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, most of this takes place near the end of the game so general spoilers (but not who did it)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21524776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicalDragon/pseuds/MagicalDragon
Summary: YOU — “So I know I said I stopped obsessing over sexuality...”KIM KITSURAGI — Kim sighs ever so slightly.EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — Ah, here it comes, he thinks. He wonders if he’ll come to regret being honest with you, but he’s an honest man by nature. He doesn’t like deception, and he refuses to lie about this when asked directly, even if keeping it on the down-low tends to make things easier.ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] — Especially in his profession. Cops like the macho shtick.
Relationships: Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi
Comments: 54
Kudos: 400





	Just like that

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [Just like that](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23675392) by [BeatriceAlighieri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeatriceAlighieri/pseuds/BeatriceAlighieri)



**DAY 5** **—** **WHIRLING-IN-RAGS**

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim stops you when you exit Klaasje’s room. “It’s late. We should stop for today.” 

YOU — “Okay. Want some company for your daily cigarette, though?”

KIM KITSURAGI — “Sure.” He smiles slightly, then walks off towards the balcony.

YOU — All day long, he follows you around Martinaise on your fool's errands. Now, you follow him.

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant fishes a pack of Astra out of his jacket and pulls out a single cigarette. 

YOU — You do the same. 

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — Yes! And maybe after this, you can go down to the bar and drink together! Or better yet, go get those drugs Klaasje has stashed away! Come onnnnn, you haven’t had anything in *days*! You know you want to! 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim lights his cigarette with practiced ease and takes a first, long drag. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] — He probably used to smoke more than this. Cigarettes relieve stress and being a cop is stressful, especially in Rivachol. A lot of cops here are chainsmokers -- no reason to worry about long term health risks when your job is so dangerous -- but Kim doesn’t like to rely on it. The *One Cigarette A Day* rule is his compromise. 

YOU — “Can I borrow a light?” 

KIM KITSURAGI — Instead of lending you his lighter, Kim steps a bit closer to you, lifts his hand to your mouth and lights your cigarette for you, while you instinctively cup your hands around it to protect it from the wind. 

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — He’s so close you can feel the warm air of his exhale against your cheek. Imagine it! Kim, even closer, his hand against your cheek, his lips against yours…

YOU — “Thank you.”

KIM KITSURAGI — “Not at all,” he says and goes back to focusing on his cigarette and the horizon.

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — It’s too dark to see much of anything. He’s probably lost in thought, taking this time to process the events of the last few days. 

YOU — You stand in silence for a while too. 

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] — You have a question for him, but it can wait a little bit. He deserves a bit of time to think in silent companionship. 

YOU — “Hey Kim…”

KIM KITSURAGI —The lieutenant exhales a puff of smoke, then looks at you. “Yes, detective?”

YOU — “So I know I said I stopped obsessing over sexuality...”

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim sighs ever so slightly.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — Ah, here it comes, he thinks. He wonders if he’ll come to regret being honest with you, but he’s an honest man by nature. He doesn’t like deception, and he refuses to lie about this when asked directly, even if keeping it on the down-low tends to make things easier. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] — Especially in his profession. Cops like the macho shtick. 

YOU — “But I’m just really confused.”

KIM KITSURAGI — “About?” Is all he says. 

AUTHORITY [Medium: Success] — He’s not going to give you anything for free. You have to make the next move. He’s hoping you won’t. 

YOU — You go over it in your head again. There are a lot of factors to consider...

LOGIC [Easy: Success] — There was the postcard with the picture of a woman. It was clearly from a romantic partner. 

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — A romantic partner, yes, but that doesn’t have to mean you were attracted to her. Or that you can’t be part of the homo-sexual underground. 

DRAMA [Medium: Success] — Sire, mayhaps thine entanglement with the homo-sexual underground was why she left.

LOGIC [Easy: Success] — Or perhaps it wasn’t. You really have no evidence proving or disproving that. 

YOU — Wait, who left? 

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] — Don’t worry about that right now. There is personal identity to uncover! You could be anything! Imagine the possibilities! 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim looks expectantly at you, growing impatient at your silence. 

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — The wind makes his orange bomber jacket rustle around his slender frame, the collar hitting against his neck. You wonder what he looks like under that jacket… 

LOGIC [Medium: Success] —And there it is, that other thing… the argument against the postcard you found. 

YOU — “I... shit.”

KIM KITSURAGI — “Take your time.”

COMPOSURE [Challenging: Failure] — It’s impossible to tell whether he’s being sarcastic. 

YOU — “I found a postcard. A love note from a woman.” 

KIM KITSURAGI —”Okay?” 

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] — He’s wondering why you’re telling him this.

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — This is not going where he thought it would. He was expecting you to ask something ignorant, something he’s been asked too many times before. He wasn’t expecting it to be about *you* -- he’s still wary that it won’t be, ultimately. 

YOU — “But I also think I might have… been a part of the homo-sexual underground. Or wanted to be.” 

KIM KITSURAGI — Understanding dawns on his face. He takes a long drag of his cigarette. 

YOU — “So which is it? Can I really have been part of the homo-sexual underground?”

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim is still inhaling the cigarette. It’s a very long drag. A very long drag at the end of a very long day. When he finally exhales, he takes a further few seconds to gather his thoughts. 

“You could have been. Or you could have, like you said, wanted to be. Many homo-sexual men are in relationships with women for a variety of reasons. Or you could be bi-sexual.” 

YOU — “Bi-sexual?” 

KIM KITSURAGI — “A member of the homo-sexual underground who is not exclusively attracted to their own sex.” He explains it clinically, with no trace of emotion in his voice. 

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — He’s used to being careful about this subject and that part of him still isn’t completely convinced you won’t turn this around on him. 

YOU — Could you be bi-sexual? That would seem to explain things. 

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] — Kim said it was one of several possibilities. Bi-sexuality isn’t the only explanation that checks out. You could have been with the postcard woman for any number of reasons. You should ask Kim about it. 

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] — Don’t. He won’t appreciate it if you do. 

YOU — “Have you ever been with a woman, Kim?” 

KIM KITSURAGI — He raises an eyebrow at you. “Been with?” he asks in a dangerous tone. 

SUGGESTION — Aaaand you did it. Fine. Just don’t ask about his sex life. Seriously, *don’t*. 

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] — His eyebrow is stopping you. You couldn’t ask about that even if you wanted to. 

SUGGESTION — *Good*. 

YOU — “Did you ever date a woman, is what I meant.” 

KIM KITSURAGI — He relaxes somewhat, but he still doesn’t like it. “Once, yes.”

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] — He doesn’t want to give you details and would appreciate it if you don’t ask him to. 

YOU — “You said there were many reasons a homo-sexual might date a woman. What are they?”

KIM KITSURAGI — He sighs. “Well, first of all, it’s easier. No-one spends 8 hours on a mind-project about whether they should date the opposite gender.” He gives you a significant look. “And you get fewer questions, too.”

YOU — “I do seem like someone who likes the easier option.”

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim doesn’t comment on that. He just smokes his cigarette in silence. 

YOU — You let it drop for now and follow his lead. You stand there smoking in silence, the two of you. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Succes] — Just two officers, staring into the night as they take a break from a difficult, stressful case. It’s not the first time you’ve done this. The feeling of camaraderie is familiar stirs something in you, vague shadows of other people you have shared breaks with. 

YOU — And then, you finish your cigarette. 

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — You should have one more! Just because Kim only smokes one a day doesn't mean you have to! Go wild, baby! 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim turns to you. “We should go inside now.” 

YOU — You nod and follow him inside, where he looks longingly towards his room door. You think about the little trek to the fishing village you have ahead of you. Fucking capitalism.

KIM KITSURAGI — “For what it’s worth, I hope you manage to solve the case of your sexuality, detective. It can be a tough one. See you tomorrow.” And with that, the lieutenant leaves you to your own devices.

  
  
  


**DAY 8 — ISLET**

YOU — As you walk around looking for fuel, you can't stop thinking about the dream you had. Dolores Dei was your lost woman? 

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Succes] — Yes, Dolores Dei! Beautiful, with glowing lungs -- but capable of atrocities! 

LOGIC [Medium: Success] — Dolores Dei lived over 300 years ago, you certainly cannot have known her. 

INLAND EMPIRE — Yes, yes you did! Maybe you traveled in time! You don’t remember whether you did or not, which means you *could* have! 

EMPATHY [Formidable: Success] — You were clearly idealizing whoever this woman was, even to the point of comparing her to an Innocence. Seeing her as Dolores Dei is an extension of that idealization -- and a way to protect yourself from the mundanity of the reality of what happened.

YOU — You're so distracted by your thoughts that you almost stumble over your own feet. 

KIM KITSURAGI — "Are you alright, Harry?" Kim looks at you with concern and reaches out to touch your shoulder. 

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — He's genuinely worried about you -- he wouldn’t have used your given name, otherwise. He feels bad for making you go on, but this case *needs* to be closed soon. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] — Besides, he doubts a cop as decorated as you would let this go. 

YOU – "I'm fine."

PAIN THRESHOLD [Challenging: Failure] — You’re *not*. Your leg is throbbing and you feel light-headed. 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim looks at you for a long time, but then retracts his hand. "Tell me if you need a break."

PAIN THRESHOLD — You *do*. And you certainly will sooner or later. 

YOU — You nod and continue forward. As much as you try, though, you can't let the dream go. 

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — Just like you can't let her go. 

YOU — “Are you in a relationship, Kim?”

KIM KITSURAGI — At first he just looks at you. Then he looks away. “No,” is all he says. 

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — You detect just a note of melancholy beneath his carefully neutral tone. 

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] — Relationships aren’t easy for cops. Particularly not in his situation.

YOU – “I had a dream about my last one.”

KIM KITSURAGI — “Ah.” 

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — In just one syllable, the lieutenant relates complete understanding. 

YOU — “Yeah.”

KIM KITSURAGI — “The woman from the postcard?”

YOU — “Yeah.”

INLAND EMPIRE [Medium: Succes] — No, it was Dolores Dei! Tell him it was Dolores Dei, he’ll be impressed! 

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] — He won’t be. 

YOU — “I think I idealized her. I think that’s why things fell apart. I still don’t really remember, though.” 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim hums thoughtfully. 

PAIN THRESHOLD [Challenging: Failure] — Before he can say anything else, a sharp stab of pain goes through your leg and you almost fall over from the force of it. 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim catches you before you fall very far, but then he turns a glare on you. “You’re taking a break *now*.” 

YOU — You try to argue, but there is too much Authority in his voice, and you fall silent as he helps you to sit down on a nearby rock. 

KIM KITSURAGI — As soon as you’re sitting, he kneels down in front of you and inspects your leg. “Damn it,” he says, looking at where a dark blood stain has formed on your leg. 

YOU — “Ouch.”

KIM KITSURAGI — He snorts. “Yeah. Do you want a painkiller?” 

YOU — You nod. 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim digs into his pocket and hands you a Drouamine. 

YOU — You get out a tare bottle you filled with rain water -- *hobocop style* -- and swallow the pill with it. Hey, at least it’s not alcohol. 

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — Why *isn’t* it, though? You’d feel so *much* better with a bit of alcohol in you! It’d take the edge of!

KIM KITSURAGI — When you look up, Kim has retrieved a roll of bandages, too. “I need to replace your bandage.”

YOU — You stare at him. 

KIM KITSURAGI — “Your pants, detective.”

YOU — Oh. 

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — Oh YEAH, baby. *Now* we’re talking!

PAIN THRESHOLD [Challenging: Failure] — Maybe you would be if you weren’t in, and I can’t emphasize this enough, *so much pain*. 

YOU — You start to pull your pants down to expose the wound on your thigh, swearing under your breath when the fabric catches on the wet bandages.

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim doesn’t say anything as he rolls your current bandage off with deft, careful fingers. His face is one of complete concentration. 

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — He’s been keeping you alive this long. He’s not going to fail *now*. 

YOU — You try *really hard* not to cry when Kim starts applying the new bandage. 

PAIN THRESHOLD [Medium: Failure] — Aaaand you’re crying. 

KIM KITSURAGI — “Almost done, detective.” 

YOU — “I’m not crying.”

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim doesn’t answer you. He’s still concentrating on your leg. 

YOU — You look down at the hairy thing and notice the dirty underwear you’re wearing -- that you’ve been wearing *all week*. 

KIM KITSURAGI — “All done.” Kim stands up. 

YOU — You pull your pants back up. Kim must have done this a few times while you were recovering. You wonder if you should apologise for the underwear. 

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] — You shouldn’t. It’d be weird. 

KIM KITSURAGI — “I’m going to check the shore while you take a break.” 

AUTHORITY [Easy: Success] — It’s a statement, not a question. There is no reality where you get up from this rock before he comes back to get you. It is not an option. 

  
  
  


**DAY 8 — BAY OF REVACHOL**

YOU — “What happens now?”

KIM KITSURAGI —“We bring in the perpetrator.”

YOU — “I meant what happens to *us*?”

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim looks at you quietly for a very long while. There’s no sad FM to break the silence of your ride back. 

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — He doesn’t know, either. 

KIM KITSURAGI — “What do you mean? We go back to our precincts.”

YOU — “Just like that?” You’re not sure what to do without Kim, at this point. You may only remember a week of events, but he has been the one constant in all of them. 

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Challenging: Success] — He’s your rock. When things got tough, you clung to him. He’s the one thing keeping you together. 

YOU — “I don’t know what to do without you,” you admit.

KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenants eyes go wide. “I… what do you mean?” 

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — You must truly have caught him off-guard to produce such an obvious reaction.

YOU — “If it’d been anyone but you who got saddled with me, they would have constantly berated me for my… everything. Hell, if it’d been anyone but you, I would have died in that firefight.”

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim goes very quiet. “I’m the one who would have died if you hadn’t warned me, detective.”

EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] — He doesn’t like that you brought it up. He worries that you could have done more, that you should have saved more… and he certainly doesn’t feel like he saved you, not with the state you’re in. 

YOU — “My point is… before we met, I drank so much I lost my memory. I sold my gun so I wouldn’t kill myself with it. I… I don’t want to be that person again.”

KIM KITSURAGI — “Then don’t be.”

YOU — “Like it’s that easy.”

KIM KITSURAGI — “It’s not.” 

YOU — “Kim, I need…”

KIM KITSURAGI — He interrupts you. “You don’t need me, you need motivation. It’s not the same thing.”

YOU — “What if *you* motivate me?” 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim sighs in frustration. 

SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] — You’re going in circles. He does *not* like going in circles.

EMPATHY [Formidable: Success] — He doesn’t think this is about him at all. He thinks you’re just scared to be alone. Maybe you are.

YOU — “I cracked the case, you know.”

KIM KITSURAGI — He raises an eyebrow at you. 

YOU — “Of my sexuality.” 

KIM KITSURAGI — “And?”

YOU — “I don’t think I was part of the homo-sexual underground before, but I am now.”

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim smiles wryly at you. “That’s not really how it works.”

YOU — “What I mean is… I loved the postcard woman. I don’t know in what way, maybe not the way you’re supposed to, but I did.” 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim looks at you expectantly. 

YOU — You take a deep breath. “But... I also like men.”

KIM KITSURAGI — He looks at you, oddly intense all of a sudden. “I’m glad you cracked the case, detective.” 

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — He is. He also isn’t letting himself hear what you’re trying to say yet. 

SUGGESTION[Medium: Success] — You’ll have to just come out and say it. 

YOU — “And I like… you.”

RHETORIC [Easy: Success] — *I like you?* Are you a high school student?

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim doesn’t say anything. 

YOU — “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t have anything to offer anyone, let alone you. I shouldn’t have made this awkward, I’m sorry, I’m such a fucking…”

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim pulls you down into a kiss.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — His lips against yours sparks fireworks in your chest, his hand is burning against your cheek, you move your lips against his eagerly. 

ENDURANCE [Easy: Success] — Your body tingles with the strain of staying perfectly still. You’re too afraid to move, lest you scare him away. 

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] — Like a sunset, all beautiful things must end, and like the end of disco, the end of your kiss comes far too soon. 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim pulls back and turns his face away from you. “That was… unprofessional of me.”

YOU — You tentatively take his hand. He lets you.“Please be unprofessional again.”

KIM KITSURAGI — He looks back up at you and rolls his eyes at you, but then moves forward and catches your lips in another kiss. 

THE WAVES — Beside you the waves roll, uncaring of what just transpired between the two of you. You’re nearing the fishing village now. 

  
  


**DAY 39 — YOUR APARTMENT IN JAMROCK**

YOU — You open your ledger and stare at the case that has been plaguing you for the last two weeks.

VOLITION [Impossible: Failure] — Why are you even still trying? You should just give up and admit you can’t solve this. Or anything else, for that matter. 

YOU — What happened at the scene?

VISUAL CALCULUS [Impossible: Failure] — You don’t know. 

YOU — What does the presence of a cassette case with anodic music at the scene mean?

LOGIC [Impossible: Failure] — You don’t know.

YOU — What is the motive?

EMPATHY [Impossible: Failure] — You don’t know.

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] — Hey, partner, feeling a bit stuck? Have you considered: *Drugs!* They make everything better! Just go *wild* and you’ll solve this case in *no time*. 

YOU — You start off with a cigarette. Then another.

YOU — You keep trying, but still nothing. 

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY — Come on, baby! Get to the *good* stuff! 

YOU — You don’t have any alcohol or drugs in the apartment anymore. Kim helped you throw it out when he first moved to Jamrock. 

ELECTRO-CHEMISTRY — There’s a corner store right across the street, silly! Go get yourself some pilsners and let’s get this party *started*! Come on, baby! 

YOU — You go buy the pilsners. 

YOU — You buy *a lot* of pilsners. The clerk looks worried. 

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] — She knew you from before. She really had hoped not to see you again. Not buying this, anyway. 

YOU — When you get home, you start drinking and you don’t stop. You keep trying and trying to solve the case, but nothing makes sense to you. 

VOLITION [Impossible: Failure] — Why would it? You’re a *horrendous* cop. You’re even too stupid not to relapse.

YOU — Eventually, you forget the case. Now you’re just crying on the couch, surrounded by discarded bottles. 

KIM KITSURAGI — Kim finds you an hour later. He's with you immediately. "What happened?" he asks quietly. 

YOU —"I should do everyone a favor and just fucking kill myself."

KIM KITSURAGI — "No," the lieutenant says, taking your hand. "You wouldn't be doing anyone a favor, Harry.” He hesitates for a moment. “You wouldn't be doing *me* a favor."

YOU —"I relapsed." 

KIM KITSURAGI —"I can see that, yes."

YOU —"I'm useless, can't even… why do you even care about me?" 

KIM KITSURAGI —"You're kind. You want to understand people, help them, even if it's something small, something that doesn't help you at all. Like helping those kids out with their night club. And you're funny." He smiles fondly, though it's clear that it's pained. He hates seeing you like this. "And you're a *damn* good cop." 

YOU —"A cop who can't even fucking…" You trail off. You're not sure what you can't even fucking. There are *so many* possibilities. 

"What do I do now?" 

KIM KITSURAGI —"You get up, wash your face and get back to it. You keep going." 

YOU —"Just like that?" 

KIM KITSURAGI —"Just like that."

**Author's Note:**

> I love Kim Kitsuragi _so much_ and the fact I can't romance him in game? ??? TRAGIC.
> 
> Thank you to teddy_stonehill for beta-ing!


End file.
